4 posts tagged “love”

5 January 2008

365 005

These are my lotus flower tea lights.  I love them.  They are on the coffee table in the living room.  Very pretty in the darkness.  On this day J & I went on a date:  movie + dinner.  It was nice and I adore hims.  xoxo to you JJ.

6 January 2008:

365 01

Candle reflected in the dirtyish glass of an antique window I use as like...a decoration.  Today is Sunday.  We washed the car and now it's all beautiful and silvery AND tomorrow it is getting a new door and all fixed up from the crash.  Woo!  Sexy time.  We also ate sammiches from Arby's whilst in the carwash which was superfun times.  Then I looked in the back seat and since the door is all banged in some water got inside the car and soaked the back seat.  That sucks, but I am too much of a slacker to do anything about it.  Yeah.  Then we went grocery shopping and got very annoyed by all the people there, so just grabbed a few things and left.  Now we have ordered pizza & may watch the old version of Popeye w/ Robin Williams.  I wanted to go bowling today, but....I don't have any friends and it was really cold outside and like....I don't like it when people look at me.  So we are locked in the apartment, as usual, with pizza, Guinness, and love.  Not so bad, eh?

girl child

That's me (on the right) at the bar my Dad played in last night.  Just thought I would share it with you.  Check out my flickr if you want more.

Today I am almost 27.  I am 27 in 4 days.  I have realized (realised) the following things:

1.  My parents divorce really fucked me up and I've been pretending it didn't for more than 2 decades. 

2.  I am not worse than other people.

3.  If something isn't working, stop doing it--it's probably not going to work no matter how hard you push it.

4.  I still need to see a shrink.

5.  I do not need to take medication.

6.  It's okay to believe in what I do.

7.  No one has to have a career--Life is not a fucking Barbie doll where you come in the "teacher" box or "doctor" box and have all the matching accessories.  I'm just myself.

8.  Pretty much anything I dream up, someone else will eventually "invent"/make.

9.  We are all connected, we should all love one another dearly.  So much more dearly than we do.

10.  I can travel as much as I want and wherever I want as long as I am willing to do it.

11.  Absolutely anything is possible if you are willing to put in the effort.  There is no such thing as cannot unless you are a man trying to have a baby.

12.  I will be fine.

13.  If you act like you think you're really cool everyone else will think you are because we are all self-conscious creatures trying to hide the fact that we're all really lame and uncool.

14.  I like the way some people dance, like it looks really bad, but also cool.

15.  The coolest things are usually really dorky.

16.  No point in abusing drugs unless you want to feel like ass part time.  Just feel the pain and start to like it.

17.  It's okay to like the feel of pain, even if others don't understand or think it means you're self-destructive.

18.  Being self-destructive is hot and I refuse to stop it.  I like it and I don't stop what I like Because:

19.  We all get old, so stop fussing about trying and DO whatever it is you WANT to DO Because:

20.  We are all going to die so we may as well do whatever we want and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

21.  Be nice to other people, they probably deserve it.

22.  Don't trust anyfuckingone.  Like, ever.  At all.  Not even yourself.

23.  Eat cake.

24.  Don't starve yourself because it makes your hair fall out and it makes you really tired and boring.

25.  That trip to the psych ward was way more warranted than I thought.  Wish I'd have stayed.

26.  Whatever happens, it's alright.  Things can be fun as long as you make them.

27.  Everyone has a choice in what emotions to feel.

And one to grow on:  28.  I secretly want to kill myself, but somehow live to see people's reactions at the news of my suicide.  I think I'm a really sick person.  I shall offer myself up for therapy.  And no more try to be therapy.  I just didn't come with those accessories.

I love you. 

Be careful everyone.  Leave me a comment, it's kind of like making out.

This morning I woke up at 10am to someone walking around in our apartment.  This fucked with me because I'd just been having a dream that I was in a killer's house smoking cigarettes and I knew he'd be home any minute and would kill me, so I had to figure out a way to get out quick with this dead cat I was investigating.  It was troublesome, let me tell you.

Jay came home early, so it was not a killer come to kill me as I untangled myself from red bedsheets in mid-morning sun.

Today's plans include copious amounts of slacking, Coca-Cola, making stuff, planting flowers indoors, and being in love.  How does that go?

Fairly well I should think.

Love,

Miss Planet 2010

I want to eat macaroni and cheese but I don't wanna make it.  That's kraft dinner for you Canadians. 

Who makes kraft dinner and eats it at 10:40p.m. when the very next day they have to take a bunch of tests to see if they can be an accountant?  That's stupid.

Being an accountant is stupid, too.  Please, I reject your societal norms.  I want to live in plaid elephant times where trees are made of green felt and brown ribbon and real apples.  I want to never wear pants again, unquestioned.

Even wanting these things makes me pill ready, electro-shock therapy ready.  I am not ready.  Sorry.  Please XXXX my name ((it starts with A)). 

Okay, all the love in the world won't matter, I guess...if you still have to wash your own dishes.