3 posts tagged “stalking”

If someone is blocked from your vox....they should probably stop reading it.

Just saying.

This goes for more than 1 person.  You both know exactly who you are (although the rest of my neighborhood will be curious, sorry guys, I'm not naming names, I just want it to stop).  If the harassment continues, I will report you.

1pm:  Will it truly rain all weekend?  The 10-day forecast calls for rain 6 days...so 60% of my time could possibly be spent feeling down as hell.  Ah, well.  That sort of mood is quite conducive to novel writing and that is what I intend to do for much of this weekend.  I've neglected my book for the entire week due to the unwarranted attention I was having to fend off and the subsequent worry it caused. 

Frankly, I'm still worried.  I'm hoping to forget all about it over the weekend, but when Monday comes round again, as it is prone to do, my heart will be racing all day as I wonder if El Stalko is going to show up in the office when I'm alone.  My father-in-law sent me an email today saying he believes the odds are in favour that the guy is just a creep and doesn't have any tendency towards violence.  I'm not so convinced, however.  I just wish this situation would resolve itself with as little effort as possible.  I'm really not one for confrontations.

11pm:  I talked to the Superintendent about El Stalko today.  I did it in a very casual way and told him it was just between us.  He told me that if he keeps bothering me to not be afraid to tell him.  He said he may not throw him off the job, but he can guarantee it won't happen again.  Well, I hope so.

I'm so glad it's the weekend now.  I love staying up late, watching silly movies and old reruns of The Wonder Years.  It's funny how Fred Savage's hair moves all the time in that show.  I totally enjoy that.  I also like the extra time to read before I go to sleep ((if my book isn't too scary)) and to spend hours writing, sitting in bed with the windows open.  Love that.  Sometimes I even stay up until 2am and then get up at 7:30am.  I don't require as much sleep as other people do, unless I'm sick.  In fact, if I sleep 8 or 9 hours at night I feel horrid the next day and am shaky-tired when I first wake up.

Not to sound Pollyannish, but I am also glad because my husband is almost done with finals.  He's applying to the professional graphic design program on Monday and then we will go to Dairy Queen and get one of those ice creams in the chocolate dipped waffle cone bowls.  This week I have only had chocolate once.  Can you believe it?!  I normally have chocolate at least every other day if not every single day.  I'm also down to way less soda than usual and we're not eating out anymore.  It saves money and it's just generally healthier.  I can't say I feel too much healthier at this time, but perhaps I will in the future if I keep it up.  My major complaint at the moment is that one of my teeth is starting to hurt.  No insurance, either.  I need to find a very good dentist that will give me the gas because I'm desperately afraid of dentists.  I don't know why. I just can't stand it, I've feared it since childhood.

Okay, I must go to bed now.  I'm more tired than usual after being awakened by a very annoying, twittering bird this morning around 5am.  And then at lunch there were 2 wild rabbits in the yard and they started to chase me, stopping every once in a while to have sex.  I'm not joking either!  These bunnies were literally hopping towards me, whereas most rabbits are afraid of people.  I couldn't believe it.  I was kind-of scared, too!  Ever see Pet Cemetary???  Hahaha! 

...Why did you pick me?  Who has come before me?  When will you leave me alone?  Will I be forced to quit my job because of your unwarranted, unwanted attention?  Why so many questions?

Tomorrow I can rest easier at work because El Stalko is going to be in a city 2 hours away from where I sit, mostly alone in an office doing office things.  This newest obsessor practically requires me to examine which aspects of my personality are attracting psychos.  I'm nice, I guess, but that's part of my job.  He's never heard me say anything smart, so I don't think it's that I'm intelligent.  Maybe it's my boobs or something.  Seriously.  The ratio of women to men where I work is 1:50 or so.  Guess who's the 1? 

Even more seriously, this man owns a very scary, very illegal gun.  He doesn't smile, he asks me strange questions and makes me nervous.  So nervous in fact, that I have not yet really explained to him in any firm words that I want him to leave me alone.  When he asked me to come to his hotel room one night (even though he knows I am married) I wrote to him and told him that my husband doesn't want me to go anywhere with him.  I shouldn't have said that.  I should have said I didn't want to go.  I should have just...I don't know.  It's so simple and unrealistic to say what you should have done.  Should have done does not exist, so let's just forget about that.

I don't want to find another job (it's hard and takes a long time), but on the other hand, I don't want the stress of sitting there wracked with paranoia, wondering when he's going to come in with his AK-47 in the style of if I can't have you no one will.  Each time he comes in to the office he asks about my husband and each time I reply he looks genuinely disappointed, as though it were the very first time he had heard of him.  He frowns and turns his head to stare longingly out the window and doesn't speak for a while.  Truly!  I just sit there and try to look busy and not look at him.  I have now begun the routine of getting up and leaving the moment he comes into the office if I am alone. 

Fuck him.  God, I hate him.  I feel like calling ICE on him, telling them about his stupid gun.  I'm sure there's nothing more DHS would love to find than a person of Arab descent with an AK-47 in their home.  Now this blog is probably flagged, but I don't care!  I'm not the one who goes around acting like a psycho!  He has no right to stalk me and make me feel uncomfortable in my day to day life.  And yet he does, and I can't talk to any of my bosses about it due to the environment we work in...it's very hostile and volatile and if I mentioned that this guy is bothering me in the least, my boss(es) would run out of there and fire this asshole on the spot.  Then this asshole would probably kill me.  Sigh.

Before this my life was going basically okay after a while of not going so great.  I had a job I could stand to go to every day.  Now I have a job that is easy, pays pretty well, and causes me to lose about 10 pounds in a day due to fear and anxiety that is probably taking 10 years off my life.  I just want him to go away.  Leave me alone.  Why does this kind of thing happen to me?  The question is still there and maybe it always will be.  I just don't understand why guys obsess over me...particularly this guy.  All he had to go on was a few words when I sent a fax for him, and a myspace profile that has since been abandoned for good. 

I've devoted too much time to worrying about him, but it had to be done.  I'm sill worried, hell...how do I know...how does anyone know if they are safe?  I don't feel safe.  I am violated and it makes me very tired.