3 posts tagged “work”

today a baby raccoon saw me in the parking lot of work and chased me

i called animal control cos i thought he had rabies

the woman in the kakhi uniform could not catch him

she said he thought i was his mother

i went to the bathroom around 4 o'clock

in the mirror i saw my disheveled reflection

black hair

and i thought to myself,

yes

okay

i could definitely pass for some scurvy raccoon's mother.

the end

The new job is good STOP Wearing lots of cute shoes STOP Going to Florida on Friday STOP Hate waking up at 6am STOP Eating Spanish rice and chips STOP How are you?  STOP 

If you are reading this, I probably love ya, just a little...depending.  Thanks.

...Why did you pick me?  Who has come before me?  When will you leave me alone?  Will I be forced to quit my job because of your unwarranted, unwanted attention?  Why so many questions?

Tomorrow I can rest easier at work because El Stalko is going to be in a city 2 hours away from where I sit, mostly alone in an office doing office things.  This newest obsessor practically requires me to examine which aspects of my personality are attracting psychos.  I'm nice, I guess, but that's part of my job.  He's never heard me say anything smart, so I don't think it's that I'm intelligent.  Maybe it's my boobs or something.  Seriously.  The ratio of women to men where I work is 1:50 or so.  Guess who's the 1? 

Even more seriously, this man owns a very scary, very illegal gun.  He doesn't smile, he asks me strange questions and makes me nervous.  So nervous in fact, that I have not yet really explained to him in any firm words that I want him to leave me alone.  When he asked me to come to his hotel room one night (even though he knows I am married) I wrote to him and told him that my husband doesn't want me to go anywhere with him.  I shouldn't have said that.  I should have said I didn't want to go.  I should have just...I don't know.  It's so simple and unrealistic to say what you should have done.  Should have done does not exist, so let's just forget about that.

I don't want to find another job (it's hard and takes a long time), but on the other hand, I don't want the stress of sitting there wracked with paranoia, wondering when he's going to come in with his AK-47 in the style of if I can't have you no one will.  Each time he comes in to the office he asks about my husband and each time I reply he looks genuinely disappointed, as though it were the very first time he had heard of him.  He frowns and turns his head to stare longingly out the window and doesn't speak for a while.  Truly!  I just sit there and try to look busy and not look at him.  I have now begun the routine of getting up and leaving the moment he comes into the office if I am alone. 

Fuck him.  God, I hate him.  I feel like calling ICE on him, telling them about his stupid gun.  I'm sure there's nothing more DHS would love to find than a person of Arab descent with an AK-47 in their home.  Now this blog is probably flagged, but I don't care!  I'm not the one who goes around acting like a psycho!  He has no right to stalk me and make me feel uncomfortable in my day to day life.  And yet he does, and I can't talk to any of my bosses about it due to the environment we work in...it's very hostile and volatile and if I mentioned that this guy is bothering me in the least, my boss(es) would run out of there and fire this asshole on the spot.  Then this asshole would probably kill me.  Sigh.

Before this my life was going basically okay after a while of not going so great.  I had a job I could stand to go to every day.  Now I have a job that is easy, pays pretty well, and causes me to lose about 10 pounds in a day due to fear and anxiety that is probably taking 10 years off my life.  I just want him to go away.  Leave me alone.  Why does this kind of thing happen to me?  The question is still there and maybe it always will be.  I just don't understand why guys obsess over me...particularly this guy.  All he had to go on was a few words when I sent a fax for him, and a myspace profile that has since been abandoned for good. 

I've devoted too much time to worrying about him, but it had to be done.  I'm sill worried, hell...how do I know...how does anyone know if they are safe?  I don't feel safe.  I am violated and it makes me very tired.